The Introvert’s Workplace Wishlist

Or maybe it’s just me…

  • Monday mornings, don’t ask me how my weekend was - if I wanted you to know, you’d have seen on Facebook. If you’re not on Facebook, that’s not my problem. Definitely don’t ask later into the week - and also don’t ask me what my upcoming weekend plans will be.
  • Do not start random conversations with me in the kitchen. Especially if I don’t know you that well. I just want to make my coffee and get back to my desk as quickly as possible. If I could have a coffee machine on my desk, I would. Thinking about it, no one’s actually said I can’t…

  • Do not start a random conversation with me in the toilets. Ever!
  • Do not come over to speak to me, interrupting my train of thought when an email would have done the job. If you REALLY need to speak in person, send me an email asking me when I’ll be free to discuss.

  • Do not make comments on what I’ve got on my screen unless it’s a work project that we’re both working on. Especially if it’s obviously a personal thing and not a work thing. It’s rude and it’s nosey.
  • Do not put me on the spot to speak in meetings without time to prepare. And by time I mean at least a day. Some of it will be preparing content, most will be mental preparations.

  • Do not comment on my lunch when I’m eating at my desk. “Ooh that looks nice!” - Well yes, surprisingly I opted to have something that was nice for lunch, opposed to something disgusting.

  • Similarly to above, “Going somewhere nice on holiday?” No actually, I thought I’d go somewhere hideous, Hades perhaps. For the same reasons as point #1, don’t ask about it when I get back, as I’ve probably got shitloads to catch up on.

  •  If you invite me to a lunch or a night out and I decline, don’t push the case for a reason why - It’s probably ‘because people’, and you won’t like or understand that answer.
  • Do not expect me to be enthusiastic about any kind of team-bonding exercise, role-playing or interactive 'training’ type things. If you force me to participate the majority of my brain will be used up picturing your torturous demise, directly proportional to the current level of personal hell that I’m suffering.

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